Recreation of the Heart

A common theme in the Bible is that God will be provide, that there is enough, that he cares about even the smallest hairs on your head.

So I wonder—what it is that keeps me from believing it? Is it some experience of NOT being provided for? If no one else is going to take care of me…then I better take care of myself, right?

Or a society that bombards us with advertisements that say we NEED to be in control, that we NEED to take charge?

I feel like this mindset sort of gets us in a mess and reminds me of some sort of defense mechanism Alex taught me about where you—in an effort to make up for an insecurity—use that same insecurity to try to overcome it.

So, for instance, if I feel like I don’t have enough money, then I will worry about money, which in turn makes me feel like I don’t have money.

Is this the kind of life that God wants us to have? To be constantly wondering about if we are okay…or not?

No—- God wants us to experience a life rich in relationships, in love, and in appreciation of the earth. How can we do that, though, if we are so…afraid?

My first instinct when I am afraid is probably to deny it. I would rather go on pretending that I think everything will turn out okay, even if I don’t actually believe it.

A few weeks ago I introduced a kind of prayer at the Kneeling Station @ New Leaf. The prayer is called a Welcoming Prayer—the idea is that in this prayer we welcome the feelings that we have—not the cause of them—but the feelings themselves. So without affirming the source of our anxiety or fear, we can accept that this is how we feel and then begin to find out—what are our feelings telling us about ourselves?

I have begun trying to incorporate this practice into my daily life—to begin to sense where the breakdown begins—when do I start to feel afraid?

Wow! Its been so long. I have been striving for some semblance of balance over recent days and somehow blogging has not fit into that. But today it did. I think that God has been working on my heart with this for a long time.

I want to share a little bit about my experience with Transform and how I experienced the Spirit moving there. I guess my biggest take away is radical acceptance of other people…and love of those people, too. I could sense that this is what brought unity to people at the conference…and it is the Spirit who brings unity.

I think I have been given love; I have been radically accepting love by others. I need to be reminded again and again that God created me and formed me to a blesssing to others. And so does everyone else.